Who am I? Why am I here? What makes me different than those around me? Perhaps these questions can never be answered, but I believe I can find answers that work for me....answers that allow me to move on...answers that allow me to live...answers that allow me to be happy. Don't we all just want to be happy in the end? I am sure my answers will not be like the answers of others, but isn't that the point? What I see as answers may only appear as more questions to the person that just handed me my coffee. I believe the answers are non-static and they cannot be set in stone, they are fluid, they are dynamic, they are the process of searching…
The process by which a thought becomes an idea is simple, yet cannot be measured, explained or classified by the scientific world. The brain might be the most complex thing that we have ever attempted to study. It is specialized yet decentralized. It is divided into two distinct halves, yet they work together on even the simplest task.
My brain contains billions of neuron cells. They are encased in my skull and surrounded by cerebrospinal fluid. But is this not true for all humans? So what makes me…me? Perhaps it is the emptiness, the space between the cells, the synapses…the intangible. Perhaps it is the un-scientific nothingness that makes me who I am. I know that I am not the grey matter or the white matter, I am not contained within the six layers of the neocortex and I am not locked away in the super-hard wired and amazingly neuron dense cerebellum.
I just want to be happy, is that so hard? The word is simple to say, but perhaps practically impossible to define. Is it possible that the things that make me happy…are not the same things that make others happy? I can recall memories of happy times, but where and what are memories? Are they simply a reflection of time pasted? Or are they what makes me unique? Can memories even BE happy or sad? Perhaps I sub-consciously attach feelings to my memories…and that is what determines my perception of them now. I may never know. Memories are memories…the past is the past….but can they stop me from finding happiness now? Can they stop me from moving forward….forward to true happiness?
Perhaps by disassociating the negative feelings that are currently attached to some of my memories, I can affect my future…perhaps I can affect how I feel years from now.
Perhaps if I let go…I can find true happiness…
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